my name is rachel, and i'm seventeen years old. i am trying desperately to make my dreams come true.
Like We Used To (Piano Version) | A Rocket To The Moon
I usually don’t reblog, but as soon as I heard this, I fell in love with it.
(Source: plaguemetoanend, via dolll-face)
When I Hit The Ground; Ace Enders.
Cut me deep so you can see,
Everything’s not what it seems.
On my knees, I’m breaking down,
Just know I loved you when I hit the ground.
She is my life.
Sometimes I’m really sad. Today… I think is one of those empty days. It’s like I’m made of stone, and I can’t feel… anything. I’m not happy, I’m not sad.
I’m nothing.
This gets me through the day, today.
My trip to Utah this past weekend was a much needed catharsis. But now, I must get back to work. I’m missing numerous tests and papers for my classes, which is why I haven’t been able to write much as of late. I have a ridiculous amount of work to make up. It’s frankly annoying.
Utah was… crazy. It was good at points, and then at others… very bad. I can’t go into details here, but thankfully, the trip also helped me to unwind. I got to think about a lot of things that I wasn’t really happy with. It’s been three days and… I’m okay. I’ve learned how to turn off my emotions, for the most part. I still miss him. I still daydream about the things I wish he would say or do, but I know those things will never happen. Sometimes I feel the pain welling up inside me, and I do cry. But it only lasts for a few moments. I’ve been trying really hard. I’m proud of myself.
Something I’ve been thinking about recently though… I don’t think my dad is watching over me. I don’t feel him with me. Maybe it’s because I’ve shut myself down, I don’t know.
As you can see, once again, I don’t have much to say. I wonder why I still write in this, anyway. We’ll see if I think of an answer to that one.
No matter what’s going on in my life, some songs just make me feel better. I don’t know why. For example, Just The Way You Are by Bruno Mars. Sometimes it makes me sad, because it makes me miss him. But then I think about the future, how things could be, with him or anyone else for that matter. The lyrics and his vocals are just so… pure. It makes my heart smile.
I’ve noticed that I do rely on music, maybe a little too often. But at the end of the day, I know to turn off the sad song that lets me wallow (Last Kiss by Taylor Swift), and turn on something like Bruno’s song instead. This is something that my aunt has taught me. We are alike in so many ways. She told me the last time I saw her that when you’re going through a hard time, you have to force yourself to listen to happy music or else you will drive yourself into depression with all the sad songs you know.
We love music because we can all connect to it. But sometimes, that isn’t such a good thing. We can be driven into madness, letting ourselves sit and soak in the sadness, or anger, or violence. Sometimes, I let myself soak in the happiness, the sillyness and every dancey tune I have on my iPod.
I am thankful for music. Are you?
New favorite song of all time.
If This Was A Movie; Taylor Swift.
This is one of the many songs that have been helping me to get through the day. Why? I don’t know. I just love it. You’d think it would make me sad… and it does sometimes. But at the same time, I also love it so much that it… gives me hope.
